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Total Swarm for Young Men

by Water Gun Water Gun Sky Attack

supported by
KRA//Katherine
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KRA//Katherine Total Swarm is Tim de Reuse at his best yet. Eclectic, engaging, lyrically compelling, and musically complete. The lyrics swing between dubiously euphoric highs and deeply anxious lows, revealing a bitter indictment of the precarity of existing within queer spaces. Every track is dripping with intent - no moment's charms are accidental. Favorite track: The Found Family Blues (What Starving Animals Eat).
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1.
From the first day, I knew I had to spoil you rotten Had to play a long game, had to see it through In retrospect you never left me that many options One look across the table and I knew I had something to prove I am on a bus and it's headed in a good direction I am on a bus and it's headed where I'd like it to go I am not behind the wheel but I'm the one calling the shots here I am in complete control, I am in complete control In a failed state, how are you supposed to know me? Poison in the wires, awful air, mortal hum, better stay inside Give you my orchard, give you the honeydew earth that I care for You can thank me later honey I got a couple dozen things in mind The weight of this ambition is a burden I carry With a smile: on my throne, walk the grounds, keep relaxed, keep you in my eyes But you are the most beautiful thing in this house and that honestly scares me Friction tells me what to do, friction keeps me uptight Lover's in the corner he's trying to attract my attention And I got him dressing up, dressing up, in his ribbons and bows The spirit is asleep but the body has got to move forward D'ya see it now? I am in complete control, I am in complete control, I am in complete control Control control control control control control Oh, I heard no lust when you were laughing there You know that gets me down I heard no lust, it was the just-because That kept me hanging around He said, please, I see no way forward I said, all for the best He said, please, I see no way forward I said start making sense 'Cause I was content! I was content! I was content for days to tie you down I was content! I am on a bus in a good direction I am in complete control! Control control control control control control It always feels brand New when I see you It's like the first time All escalation Deer in my headlights We're under pressure We're on the rise Every color on you Better in my eyes I, I had ideas We're supposed to smear Together! but we were never enough Ran out of parts of us And we were so so close My plan was watertight I had the here and now But I ran out of time I hate you so much When you are not here I make myself sick Drop me a line, dear All is forgiven If I could try this again There's nothing left of me, man It always feels brand New when I see you It's like the first time All escalation Deer in my headlights I am in my prime I cannot outrun I cannot turn back We are the only one We are the only one We are the only one We are the only one And I am on a bus in a good direction The only one, only one, only one We are the only one We are the only one We are the only one We are the only one And I am on a bus in a good direction The only one, only one, only one
2.
Ssissssy 02:23
Charlie with your broad shoulders Charlie with your strong jawline You're begging for the spirits, man Why should you deserve their time All your affirmations strike me straining and contrite Oh, charlie, faggots only know And who're you calling "sissy," hon? America requires no help Honest, for a stud like you I thought it'd be an easy sell There are pinpricks in the now where spirits still and take repose: Silent 'till you're very close Charlie, faggots only know Ya scared? You oughta try and loosen up, you know Ya scared? You oughta try and loosen up, you know Ya scared? It might get into you, out of you, under you, Under you, under you, tip over, spill out Ya scared? You oughta try and loosen up, you know Just watch the undertow
3.
Augury 04:37
You will do so much harm in a week To yourself and likely to somebody else Even if you say that you love it You will come to terms with How little your intentions really count Even on a good day you can be so destructive Yes! yes! yes! You will destroy your reputation A kind of pull you didn't know you had And when you feel the tide coming in You will make excuses to anyone who will listen Save yourself for last Or worse: you will get tired of him Hold the line, don't get seen Don't think about what should've happened, just proceed Now send the text and block the number, make it clean You will do so much harm in a week A week will stretch itself into a year See it all coming from a mile off Now and then a waxy night will Make your circumscriptions crystal clear But even on a good day D'you think you got the guts to make the effort to stop? well... Yes! yes! yes! Think of things that would send you under Think of things that would claw out your eyes Don't even try Hold the line, don't get seen Do your best to worry over trivialities And when you relapse shake it off like just another awful dream Fail! Fail every time from greater heights Even fail when you succeed I know exactly how this is gonna go In many ways, this has already run its course I read the entrails twenty times or more I count a flock of carrion birds offshore I used to dream about a man in the crook of my shoulder But lately that does not click in I'm standing up frozen in the middle of the night Wearing the clothes that I bought for him, for him Well, it - it sounds ridiculous I'm sick of it myself But where else am I to be done? The only thing that sticks in my head a month on Is the chemical sweet of his nicotine gum You feel it long before you know it: corrosive: It's already too late to comply You think back to how the last time you fucked He looked a bit too far past your eyes your eyes It hasn't even happened but that doesn't matter Time is a blur in all directions now You say let's figure something out but nothin ever figures out Because tomorrow's ringing far too loud So you just say: Yes! Yes! Yes!
4.
Eager 03:16
Don't even try to understand What just happened You'll likely find It's all reaction No point to waste my time and waste your thoughts On why you want Uh, what you want Say I can't help but do what he tells me I c-c-c-can't help but follow along Don't wanna know why That's the difficult part Cause when you're desperate you work with what's available You take shortcuts You get wound up I get it Eager little thing With the hooks and the weights and the hammers Hello Fear the image ain't gonna leave you Fear gets you hot and overexposed Eager little thing With the locks and the leather contraptions Hello You think it's gonna feel like it used to Back when you felt it in your bones (as above, not quite below) Is it really such a awful thing To disappear completely One could make the case It's easy Besides, better that than show your hand By getting caught In secret plans Or second thoughts The trick is You gotta be a machine for distraction You're not here, you're all in A detachment So let it be weird No questions no answers Where does your mind goes when you're stuck in place? Hear pretty words See paper cranes Disintegrate Disintegrate Disintegrate Eager little thing With the hooks and the weights and the hammers Hello Fear the image ain't gonna leave you Fear gets you hot and overexposed Eager little thing With the locks and the leather contraptions Hello You think it's gonna feel like it used to Back when you felt it in your bones (as above, not quite below) Eager little thing You will learn to be a natural Hello
5.
Not-a-Person 01:55
Are you becoming more yourself, Or were you shipped in overnight From somewhere else, and even so How do you think that you could tell? Oh, enough of your whinging! If it looks gentle then it surely cannot hurt you That's what they say, anyway! A figure lily white and frozen shut Will stick its grubby fingers full of flowers Through my purview And call it virtue! A politic of pastel temper Hothead gets you unremembered A helpless posture, over-watered, Mark the out-of-towners Like the cowards that they are Stick it! Image authentic and Striking in profile A fan fiction string section That twink shit skinny smile A delicate profundity What channel channels real desire A quaver in the voice A shibboleth you only preach to choirs Over-individuated Nuclear un-detonation Empty guts of styrofoam You one by one expire: Take your tight little ass Take your halcyon daze Take your narrative shtick Take your lexical shame Now take one big house with all your friends Your only path to future days An orchestra behind you And a comely hunk to guide you on your way You wanna call me by your - Fleshy mass on gray stone legs Long overripe Sickly and fragile About to tip over Oblong shape with no name Not-a-person waiting for the crush Moving too quickly An image you catch in a window Across the street at midday A pattern you see in the kitchen tile Then it's gone The body has moved on
6.
Hecatomb 08:21
By the time we realized that something was off It was already late in the day and no one could reach you We pooled information, picked apart messages Cross-referenced with satellite imagery Man we read you like fiction I held it together couple hours Till the authorities asked for a physical description and then... Pull a loose end through the friends of your friends of our friends Thread this needle through the now What favors you calling in? Where is the nearest bridge? What are the distances? You can think but don't say any of it aloud It's hard to do this stuff remote And stay calm when it's quiet out I've been laughing off in crowded rooms with anyone Under a foot of snow a couple hours away I've been up at beaver lake, lying in a sea of sun I've been afraid I did not press questions I do not know how it really went down Maybe you were headstrong all the way Maybe they grabbed you a minute or less before you woulda otherwise left the ground Maybe it took a certain change of frame Oh it was all there in abstraction But you had to walk it back after it stared you in the face Or maybe it was somewhat more mundane I bet you never had the chance to get that far It's just a momentary lapse Drunk in your bedroom, phone long dead and way too sick of yourself to get the door Maybe we lost our minds for a false alarm What a waste! But who has the guts to run those numbers anymore? I've been laughing off in crowded rooms with anyone Under a foot of snow a couple hours away I've been up at beaver lake, yeah, lying in a sea of sun In the pictures I've been trying to hide my face Crane my neck to catch a breeze from past the riverbank On René-Lévesque, out watching the parade I've been trying to forget I came from anywhere, oh I've been afraid of you, my friend, I've been afraid But sometimes! The light will hit with a particular dread And it clears me out! The word is "instead" The word is "instead" And I'm just thinking: If one more well-wisher tells me I look put-together I'm gonna lose my head D'you understand what that would mean? I see these kids with undercuts walking hand in hand And I feel so goddamn old, man Completely obsolete A special case, a cosmic mistake, the one that gets away And you are passing through the edges, Passing through the edges of things No, we are surely are one and the same Do you think we're poisoned at the root? Survivor of the hecatomb Do you think we're poisoned at the root? Survivor of the hecatomb It only takes a trick of light, an awful thought, a missed reply, one dumb mistake with someone in the room And it always could be over soon Over soon, over soon Do you think we're poisoned at the root? Survivor of the hecatomb Do you think we're poisoned at the root? Survivor of the hecatomb It only takes a trick of light, an awful thought, a missed reply, one dumb mistake with someone in the room And it always could be over soon Over soon, over soon, over soon Like hacking off a limb before the rot sets in? I've been laughing off in crowded rooms with anyone Under a foot of snow a couple hours away I've been up at beaver lake, yeah, lying in a sea of sun In the pictures I've been trying to hide my face Crane my neck to catch a breeze from past the riverbank On René-Lévesque, out watching the parade I've been trying to forget I came from anywhere, oh I've been afraid
7.
In this community Things are going altogether well In this community Things are going altogether well In this community, in this community, in this community Things are going things are going altogether well No jerks allowed A quiet place No one rejected No one turned away The ritual The welcome home The kind of thing You get it or you don't So watch your tone Normal denied I sympathize It will be re-supplied It's common sense It's common thought So just be kind It wavers then it locks I smell an eggshell Learns how to walk and Talks pretty soft but Moves like a cop, yeah? Aesthetic pleasure I aim for half-way Targets and measures If you could spend your day Anywhere else, man Would you be here? why Would you be here? If you could spend your day Anywhere else, well Would you be here? why Would you be here? Would you be here? In this community Where things are going altogether well In this community Where things are going altogether well In this community, in this c-c-c-c-c-community, in this community Where things are going things are going things are going... No jerks allowed A quiet place No one rejected No one turned away The ritual The welcome home The kind of thing You get it or you don't So watch your tone Normal denied I sympathize It will be re-supplied It's common sense It's common thought So just be kind It wavers then it locks I smell an eggshell Learns how to walk and Talks pretty soft but Moves like a cop, yeah? Aesthetic pleasure I aim for half-way Targets and measures If you could spend your day Anywhere else, man Would you be here? why Would you be here? If you could spend your day Anywhere else, well Would you be here? why Would you be here? Would you be here? Sooner than you understand You will struggle to recall a Point in time before you were Dying to know me You're dying to know me I need you to like me, man I'll do everything right I am quick on the uptake I am good conversation, I swear I will be worth your time I know it looks desperate, man I'll stay as long as I'm allowed I don't know what you've heard but I'm a decent investment I swear - I will not weigh you down If no one cares where you end up You'd better make yourself desired If you want a shoulder to cry on then You'd best bes playing for the team If you got nowhere else to sleep tonight And best-laid plans backfire, god forbid And the thought of going home rips your soul out your chest (and in your case, let's say that it should) You better make sure that you're part of the scene If you want anybody out there to care that you're breathing Tomorrow, you better look radiant Better be fuckable, better stay mean 'cha waitin for? 'cha waitin for? D'you call it a family? Here now here now here now Well, if you could spend your day Anywhere else, here, now, now, bleagh Well, if you could spend your day Anywhere else, Huh? Huh? Here, now Well, if you could spend your day Anywhere else, then, Would you be here? Would you be here? Starving animals will eat Each other first, Each other first, Each other first, Each other first
8.
The Cage 01:38
a leopard went around his cage from one side back to the other side he stopped only when the keeper came around with meat a boy who had been there three hours began to wonder is life anything like that
9.
Think you're getting off that easy? Doomers beeline straight to civil war A numerology To frame the existential dread Comfort of a real pathetic sort, you know? Buddy if you're lonely Semiotic feedback Patterns in the headlines Will show you where to go Won't help you, though. Love is never gonna save you If love is just whatever makes you feel at home So don't Try to keep this short This should all be hard It needs to be horrific Otherwise what's it worth? A promise with no plan An animal defanged Your teenage-sweetheart whisper: Dead before it lands Your gods and numbers strike me wretched Unitary creatures scattered wide Anthropomorphized Justice only by default One and all attendants of a cruel divine So! tell you what I see, man: Somewhere in the guts, yeah Filaments contort and stretch World becomes an architect And terrors lie awake So whatcha say? An eye that serves a mind without a face Limbs that move like continental plates Can't wait So don't Try to keep this short This should all be hard It needs to be horrific Otherwise what's it worth? A promise with no plan An animal defanged Your teenage-sweetheart whisper: Dead before it lands Up at 4 am Trying to catch a glimpse A haunt that shows you nothing Or something you already have
10.
You should not call me handsome, man 'Cause I don't know what to do with that I think it's best you shut your mouth, honey While I'm trying to give you head How would you put to words the future you're dreaming of As you drift to sleep with someone you don't trust that much Would you start with the weight of the body, Heat of the morning, the new sensations Or the little headaches, the seeing stars Who pays the bills, the old incantations: Someday Tom of Finland Someday Sufjan Stevens Someday fat and sugar Why should I keep secrets? Someday recreation Someday be realistic Someday we'll get good news Someday I'm giving in If I roll over awful on a crying afternoon With an icon of these wasted days confused beside me What I'm scared of: will I wake up one day to resent you? I mean, humor me, not to worry, we can work it through Together right now going line by line, see: Someday Tom of Finland Someday Sufjan Stevens Someday out there no strings Other days we sleep in Someday a nice apartment Someday full-time live-in Someday we'll get good news Someday I'm giving in It ain't a crisis yet Just an overload, y'know It's a temporary hold-up Get your ass back on the road Monomaniacal Uh, a dark cloud Unfettered hedonic capital Dreamboat cerberus Reach out! Muscle and sinew treadmill overboard It's all neurochemical Uh, a dark cloud Get that A/B/O shit Permafrost symbiote Love like the death drive Without bound! "Desire hath no rest" Hath no desire, now: What's on your mind, hon? Uh, a dark cloud Ego death for young men: New machines, no intent Reasonable neighborhood In a nice town but Overstimulation got my Nerves desensitized Every night back in your arms: A dark cloud Ego death for young men: With you I'm somewhere else I can't play it off and I cannot pay attention, I'm gone, I'm way a-head! I'm trying to explain it but You've really got to see it for yourself Yeah, really got to see it for yourself Put me back
11.
Lysis 02:41
In palm springs where the snowbirds sleep, Tech-fattened retirees Spend golden years on Grindr Sending racy messages to me Lately they swear they're hearing microwaves, An extra lisp inside their brain But hon, it's just a background process. No one's playing games There's holes in every homo's brain-pan Where the ego comes undone Now at last they're turning open, Now they melt and start to run Ain't no gunner on the balcony, Ain't no one listening in Yeah, that mutter in your skull Existed long before you did I send out message after message And pray for no reply A selfish thought: Forget me not, but only in the corner of your mind The coward's plea: I'll come for you if you comfort me And you're wasting in the shallows While you pine for open sea So why d'you hesitate for somewhere You've already made your home? Why act scared and sentimental, Cling to feeble flesh and bone Well, I have no such reservations I was always good to go It's just like I've been saying, angel: Faggots only know

about

So, it is the destiny of humankind—(in the sense that it is inevitable)—That all humans will collapse into a swirling hive-mind mass—A "swarm," you know—You get the picture, or anyway, you will—Boundaries rendered meaningless—Recursive disintegration—Again I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing—But it's probably happening—(just inevitable)—And it's probably me and my friends who will be the first—Not that we're special—(in fact, I guess when all this is apparent we will truly not be special—in a sense we will never have had a chance to be special)—But it takes a kind of deviant to get the ball rolling—Need to have an open mind—(in more than one sense)—That's all I'm saying—Anyway—This is how it might happen—And why I think it should happen—I mean I'm excited—You don't have to be—This is just how I think it might happen.

credits

released July 9, 2022

■ Recorded 2021-2022 in Montréal, QC by Tim de Reuse AKA Water Gun Water Gun Sky Attack

■ Cover art by Michael Wilson
artstation.com/dekuinthelake

■ Mastered by Ryan Ayres
ryanayresmusic.com

■ Love & Support from my colleagues in The Hai

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Water Gun Water Gun Sky Attack Montreal, Québec

music from far away, laterally, and far down, diagonally

booking / inquiries / commissions / complaints / talk to me: wgwgsa.music at gmail

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